none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
