we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
