That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why did my mother make you get naked?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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