Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
