I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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