explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
