it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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