I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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