dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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