He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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