Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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