Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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