We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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