better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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