Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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