Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize