my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
