There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
high people should be assigned attendants
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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