it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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