Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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