So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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