remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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