Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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