good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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