im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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