What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
