My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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