Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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