physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You were trust falling into bushes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
