I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
