i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
