I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
