it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
