I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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