Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize