Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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