The maid of honor just puked.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
