Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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