I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
