After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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