I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
