why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A+ Viking dick
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
