Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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