And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
