He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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