I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
