I saw his package. It spoke to me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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