i think i have two assholes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
