there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
