she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
