Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
