So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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