i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
