it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
