I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
