Plan B is the new Plan A
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
