She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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