I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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