His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I understand Curling. That high.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
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