Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
