I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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