VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
