I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's blow job season.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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