I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
