god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
