I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
