If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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